And the memory still endures. It is thirty years today since I lost my favorite cousin to leukemia and yet the memory of that day is etched in my brain, blow by blow. From how it happened to when it happened, and what everyone did- nothing is lost.
Every year I think of it but have never sat down to write about it or express it anyway. Maybe this year it is more significant because I am now somehow closer to her having survived breast cancer myself. Maybe it has to do with numbers- like diligent kindergartners we divide our lives into counting by tens 10-20-30. Maybe it is nothing specific. Yet it was the first thing that came to my mind when I opened my eyes today.
The question is why does her memory endure? She has been gone far longer than she was a part of my life. Her passing had no real material impact on my life - I saw her maybe a couple of times a year and never spoke on the phone- you did not do things like that in the India of the 1980's. And so much of significance has happened in my life since- I am married, have moved across countries, am a mother, have a job, have nephews and nieces who I adore- so much that can fill the void - but yet her memory holds a sacred place of its own.
The answer can only be that unlike things, people are fundamentally unique, unlike the material things that we collect, they can't be replaced by someone similar. One cousin cannot replace another. A happy memory with one individual cannot be replaced by a joyous moment with another. As humans we have the capacity to give each person in our life a place that is just theirs.
Like anyone out there I have things in my life that I love- things that I will say I can't do without. Be it as large as a car or a small green spatula to scrape the bottom of my pans. But the "bond" is tied to a need. If something else fulfills that need, the thing will be replaced in my life. The difference between people and things is their uniqueness, and as a result the one of a kind bond we form with them. So while we may count by tens in speaking of how long we have had our favorite things, the little green spatula that I use almost everyday will never be unique like the people who were there even if for a moment and left thirty years ago.
Every year I think of it but have never sat down to write about it or express it anyway. Maybe this year it is more significant because I am now somehow closer to her having survived breast cancer myself. Maybe it has to do with numbers- like diligent kindergartners we divide our lives into counting by tens 10-20-30. Maybe it is nothing specific. Yet it was the first thing that came to my mind when I opened my eyes today.
The question is why does her memory endure? She has been gone far longer than she was a part of my life. Her passing had no real material impact on my life - I saw her maybe a couple of times a year and never spoke on the phone- you did not do things like that in the India of the 1980's. And so much of significance has happened in my life since- I am married, have moved across countries, am a mother, have a job, have nephews and nieces who I adore- so much that can fill the void - but yet her memory holds a sacred place of its own.
The answer can only be that unlike things, people are fundamentally unique, unlike the material things that we collect, they can't be replaced by someone similar. One cousin cannot replace another. A happy memory with one individual cannot be replaced by a joyous moment with another. As humans we have the capacity to give each person in our life a place that is just theirs.
Like anyone out there I have things in my life that I love- things that I will say I can't do without. Be it as large as a car or a small green spatula to scrape the bottom of my pans. But the "bond" is tied to a need. If something else fulfills that need, the thing will be replaced in my life. The difference between people and things is their uniqueness, and as a result the one of a kind bond we form with them. So while we may count by tens in speaking of how long we have had our favorite things, the little green spatula that I use almost everyday will never be unique like the people who were there even if for a moment and left thirty years ago.
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