Role model

When I was twenty years old, If someone had told me that one day I would need to be the primary daily "bread winner" for my family, I would have laughed at them in the face. That just wasn't something I was  set up for. It wasn't what I was brought up to be. But the fact that at the end of this week I will get my first pay check when no other new income is going to come in, is a pretty incredible thing to happen to me.

You see in my family its not just that the women are not expected to work, in many cases they are simply not permitted to work. So growing up I had no role models of working women, working mothers or households where women took on the role of the primary earner. So as I go down this journey I am going to have to write my own rules, create my own guide posts, and set my own measures for success and failure.

But I would be lying if I said that this does not scare me. While I have taken on this new role, many of the conventional roles have held on. For various reasons I am still going to be the primary care giver and home maker . One of  the reasons being that those are the only roles I know to do with absolute certainty. Almost all my female role models growing up were stay at home mothers or at the most teachers, who in my mind were just extensions of a mother. So on most days the part of me I am most sure of, nimble footed at, are being the mother and the person who runs the household.

However my journey has to have a meaning. Maybe this is a journey to create a new role model for all the girls who  like me have been brought up on the notion that their primary role was to bring up the children, take care of the house and support the man as he went out to earn. When they see me I hope they can realize that life is unpredictable. The best thing you can do for yourself is to get an education, learn a skill and get the qualifications that will set you up to earn a living. Role model or no role model, you may have to step up to the task and simply put, its just easier when you are prepared.

Cosby vs Huxtable

The conviction of Bill Cosby is painful and for many it has left them with a huge sense of loss- the loss of a dear character who not only entertained, but educated, and provided a role model for many young African American men.

To all those who are feeling this loss I say- do not confuse Dr. Huxtable for Bill Cosby. Dr. Huxtable cherished and respected his family and would never have misused his position of power and influence to abuse a woman. So keep your eye on the character and do not let the actor overpower its charm.

Yes the conviction of Bill Cosby is painful and in many ways it is a time to mourn- but it is also a time to rejoice. Rejoice in the knowledge that justice was served, a woman's voice was heard and the truth was victorious. Today Bill Cosby maybe in jail but the spirit of Dr. Huxtable and his family lives on- and that is what should inspire the next generation of men.

60 Degrees

So what can a sixty degree day mean? If the opportunity is ceased, a sixty degree day can mean an evening of shooting hoops, idol chatting, a walk in the park, and story telling. It was a wonderful half hour in the park with my favorite guy and the weather was perfect for it.

This sort of an impromptu break can cleanse the soul and rejuvenate your energy. So I vow to do this more often as the weather turns and hopefully by the time winter comes around again (because come it will) I would have stored away my treasure of sunshine for those dark bleak days.

Thank God for spring. Thanks God for sixty degree days!

Elevate

Just last week I met someone at the newly opened coffee shop in town. Surrounded by the heady aroma of the brew and the morning hum drum of lattes and mochas, I was struck by how packaging and branding had elevated something as simple as coffee. Coming from a region of India where most people still start the day with warm milk or tea prepared in the humble home kitchen, the rise of the coffee to such international fame still manages to amaze me.

The lesson to be learnt here is that there is money to be made when something can be made complex, branded, packaged and mystified. Twenty years ago there was just coffee and then came decaf, today your morning cuppa is as complex as you want it to be and your relationship with your barista  something to be thoughtful of.

Drinking coffee is no longer about getting your morning caffeine. It is now a whole experience and a statement of who you are. If you favor Starbucks you are playing it safe and willing to pay a premium for the guarantee of predictable taste. But if you are a true pioneer, you will be seen frequenting the one off boutique coffee shop in town run by the local couple who use burlap at every chance they can, probably diffuse essential oils at home, and in the name of being local have taken on a lifelong struggle.

Whatever your passion or style, coffee is no longer just coffee. When you order that non-fat, extra hot latte with soy milk and stevia leaf sweetener and refill your battered travel cup, you are buying something that appeals as much to your soul as to your taste buds.

Details

A recent article in Business Week profiles a brewer in California who sold his business to Anheuser Busch and is now working as part of the giant beer maker's organisation. The story is short- no more than 500 words and weaves an interesting tale of a man who put caution to the winds, followed his dreams, and came out a winner. At first glance it's a well written article- a great inspirational story, told succinctly, with a happy ending. But when I think of pieces such as this one I wonder how appropriate it is to sum up a life of twenty years in five hundred words. Surely you are missing out on details that are critical to the truth of the situation.

There are only a couple of sentences in there which talk about the pressure that the business and his choice of work put on his spouse. They touch ever so briefly on topics such as the emptiness of a childless marriage and the self doubt which hounded him when things were failing. But then those are just a couple of sentences. The bulk of the article is heavily skewed towards romanticizing the notion of taking up something on a whim.

Perhaps this is a result of the environment we live in today. People have short attention spans and they want from journalism what they want from tweets and Facebook posts- quick snippets of information that can be easily digested and do not require too much engagement. Who wants a well rounded two page treatise at the end of which you can make your own call, when five hundred words read in five minutes can give you a ready made answer? Who wants details anymore?

Impostor?

While just browsing the web I decided to click on a very interesting article about the "Impostor Syndrome". It's where, and I quote, senior executives feel a "nagging anxiety that the people (who they work) with and for will soon discover (they're) a fraud". First, I have to say this is a great piece of advertising- Wharton has figured out what is really the reason that most people invest in Exec Ed. They have realized that people need certificates and degrees to ratify the skills that they already have- especially if they haven't taken the traditional route to get where they are.

Being someone who has had a diverse career, I can relate to this to a great extent. I work in an Industry which is very fast paced and for a company where the culture is quite competitive and numbers driven. Being a mid-level manager with Global responsibilities for a diverse account, I am often called to provide expertise and opinion on subjects I did not know too much about till 3 years ago. Even as I sit in a room surrounded by my colleagues and the eager client, there is a nagging voice inside me that makes me doubt what I say. It starts with wondering if I am the person who should be providing this input- how can it be me? Surely someone who is more qualified than me should do it? Proceeds to "I didn't even receive any formal training in this subject" and crescendos inside my head with "You are going to break this and ruin it if you don't stop now".

But the good news is that so far when I have relied on my common sense, experience and educated instinct I have not failed too often, and when I have, it has been a lesson learnt and not something to hold me back. In my opinion a certificate from Wharton can help, but there is no way to prevent this syndrome from recurring if you do not build self-confidence and learn to trust yourself. What can also help is a network of your peers to turn to when new situations arise, and above all accept that you are fallible. Even armed with degrees you will make mistakes and when you fail (because you will!) put that down as learning, and if it helps, give yourself self-certification for it!

Picture

There is something very endearing about a picture of  a new baby sitting on your mantle. It makes you sigh and take a moment to soak in all that innocence and the promise of a new life. If you have older kids of your own, it will take you back to when they were tiny and fit into your arm, and if you plan to have more kids, it just makes it seem like a good idea. So thank you Mona for sending over Mira's picture and adding some brightness to my very cold January evening!